Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
