Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
