bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
