They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
