If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
