i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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