clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
