Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
