My liver just broke up with me...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
