you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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