I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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