Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
