DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
No subtext here. People are naked.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
