dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
