Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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