I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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