Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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