im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
