She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
