Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
