you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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