You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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