my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
