so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
