then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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