Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
