my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
