I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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