We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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