I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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