That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
