I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is Oprah even human
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize