Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
