I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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