we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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