What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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