I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
