I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
