How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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