My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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