Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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