dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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