wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
