I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
