Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
