I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
