i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
