I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
