The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
All the doctor said was why
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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