That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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