I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
