Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
