Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
