I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
