I'm so fucking centered right now
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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