Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize