Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
