Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
