I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
