So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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