nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
