Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
