..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
