I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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