I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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