she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
