hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
