Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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