I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
