I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
