well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
