a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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