I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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