Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
